donttelldaddy | ~46th Dance~

... it sounds as if you've already decided that - that we're not going to make it.

No, no, no I haven't. If it were up to me, we would, but it isn't. You're the one with the other girl and the child.

[ The little bit of coldness that had crept up into his expression fades away at that completely, and he flinches. In any other context, that sentence alone would have labeled him a bad man. ]

I was. [ Old(new) nervous habit: he thumbs over his bare ring finger. ] I can't remember her face or the sound of her voice, but I know I taught her how to count to ten in French. She's like a dream -- I just -- I don't know her bloody birthday anymore, but I know that she was my little girl and I wanted to teach her how to fly, and I remember how we ended up, but I don't know how we got there and --

[ He hadn't noticed that he had slowly crept up in volume until his voice dies away a second time. He runs his fingers through his hair, swallowing down the tightness in his throat. ]

That isn't fair.

[ Why did he have to give her the details? She doesn't want them, they were just more reasons to leave when she's looking for a reason - any reason, a truth, a lie, it doesn't matter - to stay. ]

It isn't fair for me either.

I know it isn't. I-I didn't mean to imply that I ever thought otherwise.

[ She sighs, wiping at her eyes. There isn't very much else that she can say - plenty that she would, if she were able to choose between anger, fear, sadness. Betrayal. There's not a bit of lucidity to her thoughts, so Lili keeps them to herself. ]

[ Damn, those tears. ]

I'm sorry I wasn't... [ "I never thought you would actually do it" ] enough to make it last.

What do you mean you weren't enough?

How else could we have broken up? Before -- before all this.

I don't remember. I'm sure I did something stupid.

[ A humorless laugh, slightly bitter. ]

So is this it?

[ Does she actually have to say it? ]

Is it?

...well it -- it was nice, while it lasted.

[ I guess... I guess it is. ]

[ So it is. Hope he doesn't mind one last hug. ]

[ Of course not. Matthew hugs her close, his face and throat burning. ]

[ Her fists bunch up in his shirt...she'll find it in her to let go, eventually. ]

[ Matt refuses to cry, but he can feel his resolve slowly crumble. He loses track of how long they stay stuck together like that before he finds his voice. ]

I should probably -- [ A crack. ] Probably maybe...

[ The penguin stuffed animal that has been in his hand this entire time is now most likely half crushed in his fist. ]

[ When she speaks, it's hardly a voice at all, but a breath. ]

...yeah.

[ He parts, takes a step back. Extends his gifts to her with his eyes carefully trained on the ground. ]

I'll - I'll see you around, I suppose, I. [ A breath, and he says one last thing before he turns to leave. ] I meant what I said to you -- the older me, the other day.

[ She takes them, albeit slowly, and very weakly. ]

I know you did.

[ Matthew nods, yeah, and numbly walks out the hallway, edging into a run as soon as he turns the corner. ]

~46th Dance~

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